God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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