It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
