they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
