There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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