Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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