i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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