I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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