The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
