His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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