also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
