Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
