So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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