Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
