So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
