Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
