12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
