Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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