More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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