I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
