Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
