Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
