I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
