hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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