The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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