i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Enjoy the penises
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
