Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
