We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize
