i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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