Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
