I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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