Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
