The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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