I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
