The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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