sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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