Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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