Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
