her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
