i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
