So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
