We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When did we convert life to cartoon?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
