Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
