You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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