Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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