Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
