he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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