its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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