She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
