So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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