I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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