Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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