I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
