Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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