did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I want to have your abortion
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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