dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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