If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
