You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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