You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
