My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
