So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
