you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
