I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
only if we run a train.
done.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
