All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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