i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
