what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
