Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
