Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
