I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
