Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
no you cant smoke seaweed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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